Triathlon's Fourth Event - Excuse-Making
The discussions I overhear (and sometimes participate in) between competing frenemies before triathlons go something like this:
Triathlete 1 - Hey, man, good to see you! You’re looking great! You ready to race? Gonna win this thing?
Triathlete 2- Oh, I don’t know, I haven’t been able to train much, you know, because of the (pick one)
a. new baby
b. tax season
c. doctoral dissertation
How about you? Been training?
Tr1- Me? No, man, I haven’t been able to run at all since I pulled a hammy
a. at a duathlon
b.at the company softball game
c. doing the Dougie at a wedding reception
Tr2 - Oh, listen, you think you’re out of run shape? I
a. tore my meniscus
b. fractured my tibia
c. contracted spinal meningitis
six months ago and haven’t run a step since. I’m planning to walk it today if I can complete the swim and somehow get through the bike.
Tr1 - Swim? Dude, my head hasn’t been submerged since you saw me at this race last year. I
a. tore my rotator cuff
b. blew out my eardrum
c. developed an unreasonable seaweed phobia
and haven’t swum since. I hope I still remember how. You might see me getting towed in behind a kayak.
Tr2 - Oh, don’t worry, bro. I’m sure you’ll smoke me. I’m just treating this as a training day, you know, trying to get back into it.
Tr1 - Ah, OK, good luck.
Translation? Both guys are pre-making excuses for a possible poor performance, pre-constructing admiration for a possible strong performance, and robbing the other guy of any satisfaction derived from having a better race. I hereby resolve to no longer proffer or accept any lame race excuses. Mm hmm.
Triathlete 1 - Hey, man, good to see you! You’re looking great! You ready to race? Gonna win this thing?
Triathlete 2- Oh, I don’t know, I haven’t been able to train much, you know, because of the (pick one)
a. new baby
b. tax season
c. doctoral dissertation
How about you? Been training?
Tr1- Me? No, man, I haven’t been able to run at all since I pulled a hammy
a. at a duathlon
b.at the company softball game
c. doing the Dougie at a wedding reception
Tr2 - Oh, listen, you think you’re out of run shape? I
a. tore my meniscus
b. fractured my tibia
c. contracted spinal meningitis
six months ago and haven’t run a step since. I’m planning to walk it today if I can complete the swim and somehow get through the bike.
Tr1 - Swim? Dude, my head hasn’t been submerged since you saw me at this race last year. I
a. tore my rotator cuff
b. blew out my eardrum
c. developed an unreasonable seaweed phobia
and haven’t swum since. I hope I still remember how. You might see me getting towed in behind a kayak.
Tr2 - Oh, don’t worry, bro. I’m sure you’ll smoke me. I’m just treating this as a training day, you know, trying to get back into it.
Tr1 - Ah, OK, good luck.
Translation? Both guys are pre-making excuses for a possible poor performance, pre-constructing admiration for a possible strong performance, and robbing the other guy of any satisfaction derived from having a better race. I hereby resolve to no longer proffer or accept any lame race excuses. Mm hmm.
